To Cell Or Not To Cell

As of tonight, for the first time in my life, I own a cell phone. Granted, it is not activated, but it is mine. My good friend John gave it to me since he just got a new one with all the bells and whistles (which are handy to have in case you ever get raped or you're hiking in bear country).

So, now I am faced with a dilemma. Should I join the robotic, sheep-like masses and give in to cell phoneity? Or should I remain steadfast in my never-formerly-stated mission of living life with only a "land line" (as the cellularphiles like to call it). I have never even owned a pager. Am I allowed to skip that step?

I have never considered a cell phone a necessity. After all, I'm not that important. If someone needs to get ahold of me, they can do what normal people have done since the dawn of time: write me a letter. Or contact me via messenger pigeon. What could be easier? (It is, however, quite awkward to pick up women by asking them if they want to exchange pigeons).

I also like being different, although it's weird to realize that in this day and age *not* having a cell phone makes you different. I enjoy the looks of shock followed by pity whenever I say, "Nope--that's my home phone number. I don't have a cell. What? Yes, of course I have indoor plumbing."

I will admit that as the years have piled on, I have encountered more and more situations where a cell phone would have been the handiest of dandies. Like my road trip in '03 when I broke down on a desolate, rarely traveled road...right next to a cell phone tower. Or a few months ago when I was stuck in traffic while a radio station was giving away free tickets to see Tony Danza at the Orleans to the first caller who could name every TV show Alyssa Milano has ever been on. Damn my luck.

If I do get a cellular plan, I refuse to invent unnecessary phone calls just because I have the capability. I will never say any of these sentences on a cell phone: "Guess where I'm calling from?" or "I'm just letting you know I'm heading into the store" or "And then the guy next to me flipped over a pair of Aces." The last one is because I don't play poker, though. Speaking of, I hear that all the time at work. Every poker player is always on the cell recounting how they just lost. Who's the poor sap who has to listen to that crap? Who's sitting by their phone anticipating the run-down of how their friend got screwed by the "River?"

Honestly, the only drawback to cell phone activation would be the cost. It costs more than a home phone. And that's pretty much what it comes down to for me. If I can get over that, then I'll join the rest of you. Until then, I just have a cool Star Trek-looking flashlight.