Baseball Schmaseball

So, I hear that the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim-Orange County-Southern California-United States of America-North America-Northern Hemisphere-Planet Earth-Inner Planets-Sol Solar System-Milky Way Galaxy-Universe.com or whatever they are calling themselves these days won Game 2 tonight of their big series against blah blah blah who cares?

Am I weird for not liking baseball? To be honest, I'm not too fond of apple pie, either. And don't even ask about my mom. I'm just kidding mom, in case you ever join MySpace with a sparsely filled out profile, one lewd pic, and 6,472 friends who have each commented: "Thanx for the add, milf. Killer bod!"

Anyway, I used to like baseball when I was a kid. You know, back when I used to eat paste and was trying to figure out whether I should grow up to be an astronaut or a Transformer. It wasn't long after I dismissed Santa Clause when I realized that baseball was really boring to watch.

Notice I said, "to watch." There's nothing wrong with playing it. But watching it? I've been more entertained watching a janitor vacuum the Senate floor after a quick vote on procedural amendments left CSPAN with 20 minutes to kill before "Booknotes" came on.

This is watching baseball:

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Pitch. Ball One. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Pitcher Adjusts Cap. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Pitch. Ball Two. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Manager Stands In Dugout. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Fake Throw To First. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Catcher Comes Out To Say Hi. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Pitch. Strike One. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Batter Hits Cleats With Bat. Wait. Wait. Wait.Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Kid In Stands Eats Popcorn. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. John 3:16 Sign. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait Is A Song By White Lion. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Pitch. Strike Two. Wait. Wait. Wait. Waiting For Godot Is As Boring As Baseball. Wait. Wait. Wait. Second Baseman Scratches Balls. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Brandon Empties Revolver Into His Skull. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

So, yeah, I'm not a fan. Earlier this year I was talking to a co-worker who was mad because his baseball team had just lost and it dropped them two games back out of the playoff race. I guess I was in a good mood because I actually continued this conversation about baseball.

"That's too bad. How many games are left?"

"Oh, I don't know, 80 or 81."

That's another problem with baseball. They play millions of games every week, many of which have historically pre-empted important TV shows that I wanted to watch. Like Transformers, for instance. How am I suppose to decide which Autobot I'm going to grow up to be if the Dodgers insist on playing every damn afternoon?

I enjoy watching sports that are exciting. Like NBA basketball or college basketball or high school basketball or MTV Rock N Jock basketball (Method Man for the 50 pointer!). I even prefer WNBA basketball to baseball! But that's mostly due to Lauren Jackson.