Columbus Day

I did it again.

I walked out to the front of my property, opened up my mailbox, and wondered why it was empty. I mean, it was Monday--that's a big mail day--where the hell was it? It wasn't until much later I realized it was a holiday.

I've done this many times before. You name the holiday and I've opened my mailbox on that day. If it's a big holiday, I'll usually remember the instant I open my empty mailbox. It's like there's a giant note inside that reads, "It's CHRISTMAS! You pathetic loser."

Let me tell you, once you've made that mistake it's one hell of a long walk back to your house. Remember that scene in "Poltergeist" when the hallway kept growing longer and longer? That's my walk of shame. I feel like the whole neighborhood is looking out their windows laughing it up at my foolishness.

"There he goes again! Just like clockwork! Or...calendarwork, to be more precise." I often imagine my neighbors being slaves to precision.

Sometimes, I try to save face by acting like I went out to my mailbox for some other reason, like a maintenance check. I'll kick the post, wiggle the flag up and down, and say out loud, "OK, we are looking good. We are all systems go for mail delivery tommorrow."

I think I have a problem. Is there a support group for people like me? Does anyone else share my checking-the-mail-on-the-wrong-day affliction? Does anyone else hate Tuesday's "coupons you'd never use and other worthless ads" junk mail? And why does the missing children's flyer always insist on falling out from that pile?

What's the next holiday? Veterans Day? I'm going to have to mark notes down on my calendar.

Nov. 11th: "Don't check mail today."
Nov. 12th: "Blog about how you forgot to not check the mail."
Nov. 13th: "Release missing children."