**This is an ongoing series recapping my last vacation even though the entry you are about to read was actually written before I even took the trip.**
After our morning dives, we rejoined our group at Rancho Permiso, a private ranch in the highlands of Santa Cruz and home to over 100 giant land tortoises. Everyone said they missed us and added that we didn't miss much by skipping the Charles Darwin Research Center, although we did miss out on seeing Lonesome George, the legendary giant land tortoise who refuses to have sex and is the last known survivor of the Pinta, one of Christopher Columbus' famous ships.
We met the newest passengers: Jessica and Erika, best friends from Mexico, and Laura Bly, travel writer for USA Today. Laura was writing an article about the Galapagos and since Dolphin Trainer™ wanted more than anything to be mentioned in a newspaper story, he made it his goal to kiss up to her at every opportunity.
We also met our new guide: Jose Luis, otherwise known as "Pepe". By the way, a simple Google search reveals that everyone in the world named "Jose Luis" also goes by the name "Pepe". What the hell is up with that? Originally, Pepe was supposed to be our guide for the entire trip, but a personal matter kept him the first four days so he asked Carlos to step in as a substitute. Just like when a substitute teacher fills in for a regular teacher! But Pepe had big sandals to fill since we were all so in love with Carlos. Unfortunately, Carlos is not as perfect as we thought because he said we would love Pepe.
Everything started off fine with our new schoolmaster. He let us pose for pictures inside of giant tortoise shells and then took us along some paths where we observed giant land tortoises doing what giant land tortoises do: eat passionfruit, drink water, and have sex right out in the open for all the tourists to see. Perhaps that's why red state school boards hate evolution so much; there's lots of hanky panky going on down in Darwin's old stomping grounds! We heard the porno sound before we even saw them. It was a loud, guttural moan that reminded me of that one scene from The Dark Crystal (hey--they kind of look like turtles!). Since we are all adults, we couldn't resist posing by the pair. I got a phoon while Kim and Upasana decided to mimic what the tortoises were doing which they thought of all on their own (ahem) without any suggestion from me.
Once Pepe saw the girls mounting each other for photographic fun, he gave us a stern lecture about "respecting" the wildlife. I have to admit, he had a point. After all, the whalers of the past almost drove the giant land tortoise to extinction by making fun of their shells and mocking their sexual positions. Pepe's attitude towards our group seemed to harden after that incident.
After the tour of the tortoise sanctuary, we got to play some more inside the giant tortoise shells. Whenever Laura pulled out her camera, Dolphin Trainer™ did what he could to get into the shot. I guess the only thing left to accomplish in your life once you become a dolphin trainer is to be immortalized in a photo in a USA Today story.
We visited a lava tube near the ranch before hopping into the bus for the ride back to Puerto Ayora. Back on the Galaxy, we gathered in the lounge where Headmaster Pepe introduced himself officially. He announced that he was way more strict and less fun-loving than Carlos without using any of those words. Pepe really was the uptight teacher while Carlos was the cool substitute. That's right, play time was over and schoolwork was about to begin. He went over basic rules for the new passengers on board by first asking each of us "veterans" to name a Galapagos park rule. I don't recall what rule each person recited, but I do remember Dolphin Trainer™ proudly looking over to Laura after he gave a rule as if to say, "Oh yeah, I'm the one you need to interview if you want the *real* story, baby!"
I did learn a new tidbit from Pepe. He said it was OK to brush your teeth with the sink water. This was something I had been avoiding all trip due to internet warnings. Dolphin Trainer™ continued to use bottled water for the rest of the trip, but I took a chance and I don't regret it one bit even though my teeth became gangrene and are sitting inside a jar next to my bed right now.
Another difference between Pepe and Carlos was that Pepe referred to the dinghies as pangas. OK, still not as cool as Zodiak, but a definite improvement over dinghy. However, I shall still call them dinghies in honor of Carlos. After dinner on the Galaxy, we all went back to Puerto Ayora and got to hang out around town for two hours. The first thing we noticed were all the little kids hanging out at the park with their parents despite it being way past their bed time. Clearly with their no-bedtime-for-children attitude and their cohabitating amongst giant humping tortoises lifestyle, this island would be a blue state in the USA.
The chicas decided to be cool and hang out with the chicos (as Dolphin Trainer™ and I were now called) and we walked to a street lined with little shops where locals sold trinkets and souvenirs. Sonia was looking for a deal and she bargained one person down to $3.50 for a tortoise figurine made of pure gold, but she walked away because she wouldn't pay more than $3. "It's all about the principle," she explained as Dolphin Trainer™ wondered aloud about what crazy souvenir would guarantee him a mention in Laura's USA Today article.
We stopped by a bar and played some pool and drank some alcohol. I caved to social pressure and let them buy me a drink. I always feel bad when that happens because it just seems like a waste of good alcohol. Yeah, I drank most of it, but it's like buying a movie ticket for Helen Keller--she's just not going to get the same enjoyment out of it as you are, sighty.
The chicas kept looking all over for some lady named "Mary Jane". Apparently, there were some locals who knew where she was, but I guess it costs money to see her or something. They went back and forth and Sonia kept piping in about "principle", but in the end I don't think they ever got to meet up with her although I hear they are all really good friends back home.
We bought some postcards, saw tourists riding up and down the street in a dragon tram, and ran into the Turkish couple from our dives earlier that day who were still upset about the "worst dive ever". At the end, we had to race to get back to the dock because Principal Pepe had warned the students that if we didn't get back to the dock before 10pm, he wouldn't wait or come back for us and the Galaxy school bus would leave us on the island and our parents would have to come pick us up.
We took the ding...eh, sorry Carlos, but dinghy really is lame. We took the pangas back to the boat and looked for the Southern Cross along the way. King Matus seemed to know exactly where it was. Kings usually have that type of knowledge since heavenly signs often foretell their fortunes. I'd say that having done cruises in both Antarctica and the Galapagos, I know I have seen the Southern Cross many times. But, I couldn't point it out to you for the life of me.
As the Galaxy left Santa Cruz heading south for its next stop, all the passenger students toiled on their homework before retiring to bed except for Dolphin Trainer™ who stayed up all night dreaming of starring in a USA Today article and wondering if maybe, just maybe, Laura Bly was awake in her cabin thinking about him, too.
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