Today my liquid Dial soap dispenser stopped dispensing due to emptiness. I reached under my kitchen sink and grabbed an unopened replacement bottle of generic "compare to Dial" liquid soap so as to refill my dispenser.
Then something on the container caught my eye.
An expiration date.
An expiration date of 11/04.
That's right, November of 2004.
I never knew that soap could spoil. If it wasn't for the expiration date, how could I tell? It didn't smell. Well, actually it did smell--it smelled like soap. What does bad soap smell like?
It didn't look like it was expired. It wasn't brown. It was the same orange-like color it was back in 2004. Shouldn't bad soap turn green or black?
Alas, I had to face the fact that my soap was past its prime. It was over the hill. Presumably, it had become too decrepit to fight the evil forces of dirt. I'm sure it could have kicked dirt's ass back in 2004 and maybe even gotten in a few good licks in 2005, but what chance would my soap have now in 2006? Dirt would probably dominate it the same way it currently dominates Yasser Arafat who also expired in 11/04.
By the way, I wasn't surprised to find something in my possession that had an expired date. I've got plenty of things in my medicine cabinet dating from decades of yore. It's rare, but sometimes I'll clean things out. Two months ago I threw away some hair gel that I bought when I got my first flat top back in 1987. So rash, I know. I miss it already.
Anyway, back to the soap.
As I poured the dead soap into my dispenser, I wondered what sicknesses awaited me in my foolishness. What viral epidemic would I spread into the world by washing my hands with zombie soap? What hole in the space/time continuum was I tearing open with my utter disregard for expiration dates?
Who knows?
One thing is for sure, I am going to shake lots of hands tomorrow.
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