Here's a potential MENSA member:
http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/state/20041212-2012-ca-marinesring.html
He's a marine whose hand was injured in Iraq. He had a choice between saving his finger or destroying his wedding ring. And he chose the ring! So they had to chop off his finger.
He says he did it for his wife. Is that suppose to be love? I'm no Librarian, but shouldn't that be filed under incredibly stupid? What wife would want her husband to do that? Would she have given him a hard time if he chose otherwise?
Wife: "You had a choice, you know."
Husband: "A choice? They were going to cut off my finger!"
Wife: "Yeah, so?"
Husband: "MY FINGER!"
Wife: (sighs) "God, you are soooo unromantic."
The best part of the story? After they cut off his finger, his "precioussss" somehow GOT LOST! That's right. The ring is gone! Just like his finger. How cool is that? If there really is a god, I'll tell you what, he's fucking hilarious! Since both his finger and wedding ring are now officially lost, at least his sanity has some company. Please excuse me while I say: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And then giggle...like a Japanese schoolgirl with Hello Kitty lip gloss.
I think this shows why no one should ever pay more than $20 for a wedding ring. Unless, of course, it has cool features like wireless internet or the ability to decode secret messages like the colorful graffiti you see on freeway bridges. Am I the only one who can never figure out what the heck those taggers are trying to say?
Thursday, December 16, 2004
Monday, October 25, 2004
Road Trip Part ***
Well, I certainly devote a lot of time to these...
Where did I leave off? That's right--Glacier NP. After that, I drove to Athol, Idaho to go to Silverwood, an amusement park that is supposedly home to two of the world's best wooden roller coasters. They are pretty good. This small park also has the old Corkscrew coaster from Knott's Berry Farm. What a piece of junk. Two flips and it's over--about 15 seconds. As I exited that ride, I passed by some girls getting on and one said excitedly, "This one's my favorite!" Poor country girl. She has no idea what's out there. I thought about showing her my digital watch just to hear her exclaim, "What the...are you from the future?!"
The next day, I was in Riggins, Idaho to do some whitewater rafting on the Salmon river. It was nice for a beginner like me, but it whet my appetite for some *real* rapids. Oh yeah, next time I'm gonna run some of that crazy Class 2 shit! Just joking, we did do some Class 3 rapids. For those of you who don't know the rapids rating system, it starts at Class 1 which is calm, flat water and goes all the way up to Class 456 which is only runnable for a two week window during the summer on the Jupiterian moon of Europa.
The next day, I saw dried up Shoshone Falls (I really need to plan my trips better) and watched B.A.S.E. jumpers fall off the Perrine Bridge in Twin Falls, Idaho. It was like watching a bunch of failed suicide attempts. You know, like a guy trying to hang himself, but the rope keeps breaking. Or a girl with a gun against her temple, but she has a really bad aim. Or someone who sits down to watch John McEnroe's talk show, but then the TV cable goes out.
My next stop was Cathedral Gorge State Park here in Nevada. No jokes here, that's the best state park IN THE WORLD. Finally, I pulled into my driveway after putting over 3,000 miles on my car in a little over a week! It was worth it, though. If I were to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing. Well, except for that one day when I ran over that precious little kitty cat in Utah. If I had to do *that* over again, I wouldn't bother slamming it into reverse to run it over a second time.
Where did I leave off? That's right--Glacier NP. After that, I drove to Athol, Idaho to go to Silverwood, an amusement park that is supposedly home to two of the world's best wooden roller coasters. They are pretty good. This small park also has the old Corkscrew coaster from Knott's Berry Farm. What a piece of junk. Two flips and it's over--about 15 seconds. As I exited that ride, I passed by some girls getting on and one said excitedly, "This one's my favorite!" Poor country girl. She has no idea what's out there. I thought about showing her my digital watch just to hear her exclaim, "What the...are you from the future?!"
The next day, I was in Riggins, Idaho to do some whitewater rafting on the Salmon river. It was nice for a beginner like me, but it whet my appetite for some *real* rapids. Oh yeah, next time I'm gonna run some of that crazy Class 2 shit! Just joking, we did do some Class 3 rapids. For those of you who don't know the rapids rating system, it starts at Class 1 which is calm, flat water and goes all the way up to Class 456 which is only runnable for a two week window during the summer on the Jupiterian moon of Europa.
The next day, I saw dried up Shoshone Falls (I really need to plan my trips better) and watched B.A.S.E. jumpers fall off the Perrine Bridge in Twin Falls, Idaho. It was like watching a bunch of failed suicide attempts. You know, like a guy trying to hang himself, but the rope keeps breaking. Or a girl with a gun against her temple, but she has a really bad aim. Or someone who sits down to watch John McEnroe's talk show, but then the TV cable goes out.
My next stop was Cathedral Gorge State Park here in Nevada. No jokes here, that's the best state park IN THE WORLD. Finally, I pulled into my driveway after putting over 3,000 miles on my car in a little over a week! It was worth it, though. If I were to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing. Well, except for that one day when I ran over that precious little kitty cat in Utah. If I had to do *that* over again, I wouldn't bother slamming it into reverse to run it over a second time.
Saturday, September 25, 2004
Road Trip Part **
This is a continued recap of my road trip at the end of Aug '04....
So, I left Yellowstone and drove to Glacier National Park. Montana is great because the speed limit is, like, 700, I think? I'm not sure, those signs whip by so fast, you know, who can really tell?
Hey, here's a question: how come NPR is the strongest radio station regardless of where you are or how far away you are from the nearest town? You'd think with that kind of coverage they'd be able to pick up more than 12 listeners nationwide.
Glacier National Park is fabulous. It really is. It was by far the highlight of my road trip probably because I didn't expect it to be. One day I joined a ranger-led hike to Grinnell Glacier. Since someone died a few months earlier on that same glacier while hiking alone, I decided I should stick with the group if I wanted to hike on the glacier. And I did. I kept the ranger entertained by asking questions like, "Can we go where that guy died?", "Why do they call this Glacier National Park?" and "Who scored the NBA's 5 millionth point?" She seemed happy to see me depart from the group on the way back.
Parts of the park look just like Kauai. Don't take my word for it--I met a couple in the park who live in Kauai and they agreed. I also drove the famous Going-to-the-Sun road that cuts through the park. Right after I got to the end of it, I heard that there just was a car accident a few miles back. The car went off the side and the driver of the vehicle died. I figured the chances of a ranger-led hike to the site of the crash were slim, so I left.
Next up: roller coasters and whitewater rafting.
So, I left Yellowstone and drove to Glacier National Park. Montana is great because the speed limit is, like, 700, I think? I'm not sure, those signs whip by so fast, you know, who can really tell?
Hey, here's a question: how come NPR is the strongest radio station regardless of where you are or how far away you are from the nearest town? You'd think with that kind of coverage they'd be able to pick up more than 12 listeners nationwide.
Glacier National Park is fabulous. It really is. It was by far the highlight of my road trip probably because I didn't expect it to be. One day I joined a ranger-led hike to Grinnell Glacier. Since someone died a few months earlier on that same glacier while hiking alone, I decided I should stick with the group if I wanted to hike on the glacier. And I did. I kept the ranger entertained by asking questions like, "Can we go where that guy died?", "Why do they call this Glacier National Park?" and "Who scored the NBA's 5 millionth point?" She seemed happy to see me depart from the group on the way back.
Parts of the park look just like Kauai. Don't take my word for it--I met a couple in the park who live in Kauai and they agreed. I also drove the famous Going-to-the-Sun road that cuts through the park. Right after I got to the end of it, I heard that there just was a car accident a few miles back. The car went off the side and the driver of the vehicle died. I figured the chances of a ranger-led hike to the site of the crash were slim, so I left.
Next up: roller coasters and whitewater rafting.
Friday, September 17, 2004
Road Trip (with footnotes)
It's been a few weeks now, so I guess I'll recap my last road trip. I got in my car*, drove around**, and then I eventually*** came back home.
I guess I could be more specific. Oh--I also put gas in my car. A lot.
Who did I go with? Me, Myself, and I (although Myself slept for practically the entire time).
The End.
____________________________________________________
* After waking up Saturday at 10am, I went to work for 8 hours and then left my house at 11pm, driving through Utah, into Idaho, and then Wyoming. I got to Grand Teton NP around 1pm (after a few stops--I wanted to pick up some magic underwear at the Temple in Salt Lake, but it was closed--darn--maybe next time).
Later that day in Yellowstone, I went to bed at 9pm--who needs sleep? Well, I mean, besides Myself. Yellowstone is very interesting. Old Faithful went off every 45 minutes, but from what I hear its been seen around the park galavanting with some floozy geyser who goes off *all* the time (if you know what I mean). So, I'm sure Mrs. Faithful isn't enjoying the irony of their last name right now.
Since there was a full moon, I waited one night for the Riverside Geyser to erupt and was by Myself until this mysterious "Geyser Hunter" came up and joined me. This guy hangs out at the Lodge for weeks at a time, listening to his radio that's tuned in to the Park Ranger channel, and runs out to see every geyser eruption. He was actually pleasant to talk to, that is until Riverside began spewing and he started in with his whole, "Crikey! Now this here's a mean geyser! I'm going to get a closer look, but this is very dangerous..." and so on--I mean c'mon, Steve Irwin impressions are so 2002.
I also hiked to the top of Mt. Washburn. "Boring," "not worth it," "mind-numbingly dull," "waste of time," "2 hours and 13 minutes of my life lost forever," and "a decent view" are a few of the words I'd use to describe that experience.
During my last night in Yellowstone, I was right behind a lady when she hit a bison with her car. It mangled her front end and shattered her driver side window. I drove by and she asked if I had a cell phone. I began reaching for my cell when she told me she had two kids in the backseat. Bad move, lady. I told her no and drove away. You know what they say, never get involved with chicks who have kids. In truth, I really don't own a cell phone, but I believe the principle still stands. OK, that's enough for now.
I guess in part ** I'll talk about Glacier National Park.
I guess I could be more specific. Oh--I also put gas in my car. A lot.
Who did I go with? Me, Myself, and I (although Myself slept for practically the entire time).
The End.
____________________________________________________
* After waking up Saturday at 10am, I went to work for 8 hours and then left my house at 11pm, driving through Utah, into Idaho, and then Wyoming. I got to Grand Teton NP around 1pm (after a few stops--I wanted to pick up some magic underwear at the Temple in Salt Lake, but it was closed--darn--maybe next time).
Later that day in Yellowstone, I went to bed at 9pm--who needs sleep? Well, I mean, besides Myself. Yellowstone is very interesting. Old Faithful went off every 45 minutes, but from what I hear its been seen around the park galavanting with some floozy geyser who goes off *all* the time (if you know what I mean). So, I'm sure Mrs. Faithful isn't enjoying the irony of their last name right now.
Since there was a full moon, I waited one night for the Riverside Geyser to erupt and was by Myself until this mysterious "Geyser Hunter" came up and joined me. This guy hangs out at the Lodge for weeks at a time, listening to his radio that's tuned in to the Park Ranger channel, and runs out to see every geyser eruption. He was actually pleasant to talk to, that is until Riverside began spewing and he started in with his whole, "Crikey! Now this here's a mean geyser! I'm going to get a closer look, but this is very dangerous..." and so on--I mean c'mon, Steve Irwin impressions are so 2002.
I also hiked to the top of Mt. Washburn. "Boring," "not worth it," "mind-numbingly dull," "waste of time," "2 hours and 13 minutes of my life lost forever," and "a decent view" are a few of the words I'd use to describe that experience.
During my last night in Yellowstone, I was right behind a lady when she hit a bison with her car. It mangled her front end and shattered her driver side window. I drove by and she asked if I had a cell phone. I began reaching for my cell when she told me she had two kids in the backseat. Bad move, lady. I told her no and drove away. You know what they say, never get involved with chicks who have kids. In truth, I really don't own a cell phone, but I believe the principle still stands. OK, that's enough for now.
I guess in part ** I'll talk about Glacier National Park.
Friday, August 20, 2004
Blogs
Well, I guess I better get to bloggin'. You know what they say, "A blog a day keeps actual social interaction away," or something like that. Isn't a blog basically a diary? When we were growing up, my sister wouldn't let anyone read her diary. In fact, she wouldn't even let herself read it. She'd look the other way as she wrote a new entry. She really should have paid attention because I could read certain passages that she accidentally wrote onto her desk. Anyway, these days girls post their diarys ONLINE where EVERYONE can read them including lonely old men who google search words like "hemorrhoids," "relief," or "Britney Spears" and end up reading the erudite musings of 11 year old girls obsessed with Jonathan Taylor Thomas...or Andy Gibb...or I don't know...whoever's hot these days. I guess it's been awhile since I've read "Tiger Beat." My ClashPoint is this: (ha ha ha! There's a joke only I get!) Times have changed. And there you go. My first blog. I've been...what? Deblogginized? Now there are cherry guts all over my monitor.
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